MothersMandapMusings: The Planning

As the mother of the bride in America, I envisioned something grand and vibrant for my daughter filled with tradition, joy, and unforgettable memories. It’s a dream that became a beautiful reality.

I want this blog to be a helpful guide for families planning an Indian wedding in USA, making the process hopefully stress-free.  My knowledge comes from insights shared by fellow travelers before me—passed down through word of mouth. While websites like  and  outline the basic wedding planning steps, they miss the nuances of an Indian wedding.

Once my daughter announced her engagement, my mind was spinning with questions and emotions. When is the wedding?  How much do weddings cost?  Should we host the wedding in our hometown, San Francisco Bay Area or, plan a destination wedding? Do we need a wedding planner? Where do we shop for wedding outfits for the best value, India or the U.S? Is there a Hindu priest who knows all the traditional rituals. Both bride and groom families share the Hindu faith, but we are Konkani Brahmins, and the groom’s family is Gujarati Brahmins, each with its own traditions.

My daughter, the bride-to-be, felt the same excitement. She was eager to lead the planning with family support but, as a busy resident doctor, struggled to find the time for every decision. Many of her friends had recent weddings and shared valuable tools and tips with her, including a detailed wedding planning spreadsheet and shopping guidance. The groom and his parents were equally enthusiastic. 

More questions popped up. How much should we as parents be involved? Do the bride and groom handle everything? Who makes the key choices—venue, catering, budgeting? Who pays, and how do we stick to a budget? My daughter kept reminding me, “Mom, remember—this isn’t your wedding, it’s mine!” It took me a while, but I came to accept that, unlike my wedding in India decades ago organized by my parents, today's couples take charge of all the planning—leaving us parents to take a back seat and support them in their vision.

Step 1, Choosing the date. This was simple. My daughter selected one that fit her schedule. Summer of 2025. I called a Hindu priest to confirm its suitability and check for an auspicious time. Done! 

Step 2, Budget! To estimate the budget, plan for at least 50% more than your initial estimate. The biggest budget items are venue service charges, food & beverage, and florals & decor. Then come photographers, DJ and the wedding planner. After that, don’t forget the important services like hair & makeup, saree draper, and priest or officiator. How much you spend all comes down to your personal preferences of these services. 

Thankfully, my wise daughter and her practical fiancé had already made key decisions to manage costs, including capping the number of guests and events. Instead of a multi-day Indian wedding, they opted for a single event—a condensed Hindu wedding ceremony followed by a reception dinner, similar to a Western wedding. 

Step 3, Wedding Planner. Should we hire a wedding planner or manage everything ourselves? Having recently left my job as a Technology Professional, I felt tempted to step into the role myself. I love planning events and have experience organizing milestone anniversaries and community events, but a wedding is a far more complex and bigger endeavor—seemed too risky to take on myself.

After hearing about her friends' wedding experiences, we decided to hire a wedding planner, and it was the best decision we made. A great planner keeps track of every detail, manages vendor contracts, creates a detailed schedule and budget, and—most importantly—knows how to handle indecisive clients!

Step 4, Choosing the location.  I drove this decision prior to hiring a wedding planner. Should we stay close to home or opt for a destination wedding in India or Mexico? The key factors in these decisions—beyond cost—were logistics: travel, time constraints, and the location of our most important guests all played a major role. My daughter and her fiancé decided against a destination wedding. With her limited time and the desire to have all her friends present, staying local was the best choice. 

Here’s what I learned along the way: Hosting a wedding in the San Francisco Bay Area—our hometown—tends to be more expensive than in many other parts of the U.S. or overseas. To get a sense of the cost differences, I spoke with a few friends who had celebrations in Mexico and India, and I also reached out to some destination wedding planners for ballpark estimates.

In India, favorable exchange rates can make hosting more cost-effective for those coming from the U.S and, many resort-style hotels there offer bundled packages that include food, décor, and accommodations, which streamlines planning. In Mexico, overall expenses are also generally lower, though guests may incur more personal costs due to required multi-day stays at all-inclusive resorts—this structure can help offset hosting expenses.

Step 5, Picking a venue.  Before hiring a wedding planner, I took the lead on driving this key decision, leveraging my experience managing technology vendors. And yes—I organized everything with a selection criteria spreadsheet! 🙂 

To establish venue criteria, I started by interviewing all key stakeholders—the bride and groom, the groom’s parents, and my husband and me. Being based in the Bay Area gave us access to a wide range of stunning options within a 100-mile radius—from historic mansions and redwood groves to scenic beaches and charming wine country estates.

We used tools like  to help filter venues that aligned with our priorities. I created a shortlist and personally contacted each venue with targeted questions: Can they accommodate 200–250 guests? Do they allow Hindu ceremonies with a fire pit? Is outside catering for Indian cuisine permitted?

We also weighed practical logistics—like proximity to airports, hotel options for guests, and food flexibility for pre- and post-wedding events—as essential pieces of the puzzle.

After gathering responses, my husband and I handled the first round of visits, narrowing our recommendations to 4-6 venues—a couple in Sonoma Wine Country and 2-4 in the South Bay Area. While hotel venues like the Marriott and Hyatt were practical, they lacked the charm and distinctive ambience my daughter and I desired.   

The Sonoma Wine Country venues were a hit with everyone—they offered a beautiful semi-destination feel close to home. However, limited accommodations nearby and less-than-ideal airport access presented logistical challenges. On top of that, the availability and cost of Indian catering options didn't quite align with our needs.

Finally, we found the perfect venue—Hayes Mansion in San Jose, a historic estate from the late 19th century that blended hotel convenience with unique architectural charm.

Additional blogs on this topic.

Would you like tips on shopping for outfits? Read this blog: The India Shopping Experience

Curious about l Hindu Wedding Ceremony significance? Read this blog on Hindu Wedding Guide.

If you have your tips, ideas, or advice to share, I’d love to hear them—feel free to leave a comment! And if you have any questions, looking for service vendor recommendations, you’re welcome to reach out to me directly at TheCreativeSue@gmail.com